Told ya so.

Remember when I said I was going to try to post regularly on a blog?  Hahaha.

Anyway, I'm setting myself a goal to write a blog post a day (unreachable? WHATEVER) for the next month at least, because I am trying to revamp my writing skills.  I honestly don't care if anyone reads it - I just need to be accountable so I can force myself to get back to what I've always loved, writing.  In at least one form.  More to come.

Having said that, I have to admit that a blog post A DAY is a bit daunting, so I apologize in advance for my topics and also the inane-ness that may suddenly enter the electric ether.

So, here I am on my birthday - still in my 30s! - but getting close, and I'm starting with my first post in FOREVER.  And since I really don't have a topic in mind, I'll just write about what's happening: joy.

j o y !

(maybe that should be in caps)

Spring has sprung, and well, spring rocks.  I am finding joy in the most surprising places, and also, just kinda letting myself love everything, which is pretty great.  This morning, I was thinking about how much stress people cause for themselves trying to BE something.  BE whatever it is that you are.  Because we decide somewhere along the line that certain things are more important than other things (and this can be as mundane as your freakin' hair colour!  C'mon people!) we are constantly afraid that we're not measuring up, or that our achievements fall short.  Or that our failures should be embarrassing to us.  But guess what?  When you stop caring about all that - it really doesn't matter anymore and you're kinda always happy.  I remember being a super nerdy straight-A student, and almost being destroyed by getting a B (CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?) on a test once.  Honestly, I didn't want to answer when people asked me what I got.  I prepped myself for the inevitable, "Are you serious?" responses and the elation in others at my failure.. what a huge unnecessary stress I put on my own self.  If I'd just embraced the B, and didn't try to hide it, or change it, or make some excuse for it, I would've been just fine.  And so that's how I am about everything now.  It took a long time to get that way.  But secrets will kind of destroy you.  (Unless you're contractually bound, then technically it's not really your secret and it's temporary anyways.)  So after years of trying to figure that out, I think I finally have, for the most part.  Sometimes, I screw up.  But I OWN that.  So I encourage you to embrace every moment, hide none of them, and as they say - the truth will set you free.  So cool.  Cool cool cool.

And in that spirit, I am embracing the fact that this blog is lame and hasn't had a post in forever, just as I predicted.  I'm not ashamed or embarrassed or even anything, just writing one now and you know what?

I told ya so.